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Searching: Sarah's Poem

September 14, 2018

 image by Jason Wong

 

 

 

Thought I was impossible to love
Demonised when my only way to cope was to shed blood
People told me that they cared but they showed me otherwise
A Diagnosis a number vilified and demonised
For so many years placed faith in no one that I met
Avoid emotional investment saw each person as a threat
Can’t get up out of bed my life is devastated
Curtains remain closed my dreams obliterated

 

 

Indescribable pain in my heart and in my mind

Barely able to function despite the drugs I am prescribed

My mind so over occupied sometimes forget to breathe

Is the hurt scribed across my face possible to read

When  the darkness descends I create distance from my friends

Life becomes a battle in which I cannot contend

The actions I displayed during my times of desperation

Often meant by so many with judgement and condemnation

 


Thunder crashing lightning flashing in my mind throughout the day
Trapped in a world of emotions that I struggle to convey
I trusted nobody whilst trusting everyone
Fixed in my heart then suddenly you’re gone
In search of love and care from someone who is genuine
A bond that is formed on attributes beneath the skin

 


I explain my apathy whilst they assess my risk
My suicidal thoughts and intentions are dismissed
Which direction for me next? Exhausted all that they suggest
A simple request for help becomes a desperate protest
I want that answer, that fix that I know does not exist
50 simultaneous voices bellow in my head
To move my limbs like hauling lead

 


Surrounded by irritants
Disregard or compliments
Plagued with guilt for my feelings
For my self-inflicted bleeding
Relationships appear fractured though for nobody else
Can any more confusion be caused by my mental health? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the Author

At age 17 I was registered blind, at age 21 I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder I have frequently self harmed and attempted to take my life but writing poetry has helped me to find some self worth  

 

 

 

 

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